A great article about why dads appreciate the help of doulas during labor.
5 Reasons Dads Should Demand a Doula
HK Weiss
When my wife
told me that she wanted a doula, I was hurt. I truly thought with our
first baby that I’d be able to be the end all be all for my wife. She
showed me the research. She let me meet some of the doulas. I still
wasn’t convinced that it would be the right choice for us. I subscribed
to the “If you weren’t at the conception, you shouldn’t be at the birth
rule.” My wife wound up vetoing me. Here are the reasons I’m glad that
she did:
1. A doula can spell you.
I
really thought I’d be able to stay awake for a big event like
childbirth. Who didn’t pull an all nighter in college? Bathroom breaks?
Ha! I mean, if I could ride my bike for hours, drinking lots of water
and not needing a bathroom break, surely I could wait a few hours while
my wife was in labor, right? Wrong.
Thirty hours
into my wife’s first labor and I was toast. I’d been up walking with her
for what seemed like days as labor began. We’d come to the hospital and
there wasn’t any sleeping for me. I was physically tired and mentally
shot. The doula really helped me out. With my wife’s blessing, that 30
minute nap I caught helped me to refocus and be back on my game for the
big event. And we won’t even talk about how much fun my wife made of me
for my small bladder. Needless to say, having the knowledge that my wife
had someone else with her while I scarfed down food, went to the
bathroom and grabbed a few winks kept me sane.
2. A doula remembers what she learned in childbirth class.
I
paid attention in childbirth class. I’d hear enough horror stories to
realize that there was a huge, comprehensive final exam for this course –
childbirth. But when push came to shove, no pun intended, the knowledge
went out of my brain. Those early hours of labor I couldn’t remember if
we were supposed to eat or sleep, which positions were good or not so
good. Thankfully, when the doula arrived, she saved my skin and made me
look like the good guy. My wife never really realized that it wasn’t my
idea that she try certain positions, but that I’d been privately coached
by our doula.
3. A doula knows the questions to ask.
When
we arrived at the hospital, everyone was bombarding us. Questions were
flying from all directions. I was busy trying to help soothe my wife,
who was not happy with the bumpy car ride to the hospital. Our doula
stepped in and gave them all the information that they needed. Magically
doors opened and we were offered a prime birthing room.
Our
doula also was very helpful in getting information. A nurse or a tech
would come in and ask us if we wanted something, like a procedure or a
medication. I had no clue. (See above where I forgot my childbirth class
information!) Our doula would very calmly ask questions of them and of
us until we had enough information to make the decision that matched
what we wanted. It was never pushy or mean, just questions. She even
reminded us that we could take some time alone to make a decision. That
turned out to be a real blessing.
4. A doula speaks the language of labor.
Our
doula was an amazing translator. I’d ask a simple question like, “How’s
the baby?” And the nurse would respond with something like, “The EFM
indicates that there are no decels during periods of stimulation.” I’d
give her my biggest smile and nod, like I knew what she was saying. Once
she left the room, I’d ask our doula, who would carefully explain each
part of what had been said. She also helped us decipher what AROM was as
well as second stage.
5. A doula keeps you calm.
Hard.
Labor was so hard. And that’s just how it felt to me. Thankfully, when
the going got tough and my wife was in hard labor, it was difficult for
me to keep anything in my brain. I forgot everything from childbirth
class and all I could think of was “Surely this isn’t normal!” Our doula
would smile at me from across my wife on the birth ball and as if she
had read my mind, would mouth the words “This is normal.” Her calm smile
helped me focus again on loving on my wife and keeping her calm. She
showed me how and where to touch, she modeled how to behave quietly and
efficiently and she made me the star in my wife’s eyes.
When I
first heard about doulas, I thought of them as birth interlopers. Now I
don’t know how anyone could manage to give birth without one. Our doula
really helped bring me together with my wife as she gave birth. My wife
remembers my constant support and never failing love or knowledge. She
remembers the doula as a nice person who did some stuff in the
background. We won’t give birth without a doula.
